Knowing an Angel

Joylin Smith was born with several health issues that have made her life very complicated and sometimes just plain yucky. She wasn't expected to live through puberty but beat the odds and managed to make it to the age of 31. Today, Joy was finally freed from her frail and troubled earthly body.

She decided about 2 weeks ago to stop receiving dialysis and be done with this fight. There were beginning to be too many complications that were causing her a lot of pain and frustration. It was an extremely hard, yet such a brave decision on her part. She has spent the last two weeks having the time of her life. She was visited almost every night by people who loved her and wanted to say goodbye. She ate things she hasn't been allowed to for such a long time. She was exhausted but happy. Sunday night the pain started getting really bad and the dosage of morphine had to continually be increased. She became very tired and lost her energy. She spent last night in terrible pain causing her to vomit and cry and even occasionally scream. This morning we got the call that she was unconscious. We were told that once that happened, it would be a short amount of time before she would pass.

Her entire family (adults) gathered at her bedside to be with her through this difficult time. I have never witnessed anything so awful, yet so wonderful at the same time. Her breathing was so labored and eventually became very "rattled". We all said our goodbyes, shed tears and let her know how much we loved her. Hospice had come and done what they could for her and just encouraged us to keep her on a nice dosage of morphine. As the time drew closer, Glade and his brothers surrounded her to give her a priesthood blessing. At that time, she was told her Heavenly Father was ready to receive her. We had put in a CD, Reflections of Christ, so it wasn't just silence in her room. As we were all gathered together, the song Amazing Grace came on. This couldn't have been scripted any more perfectly. It was completely moving and wonderful. Only a few minutes later, Be Still My Soul began to play and Joy took her last breaths. It was a bittersweet moment to say the least.

I have been so excited for Joy to get to move on to a more beautiful place where she could be free from her broken body...to enjoy the blessings she wasn't able to attain in this life...however, I couldn't have anticipated the sorrow at watching her pass. She has endured so much in her 31 years and always with such an amazingly good attitude. As hard as it was to watch her suffer and to leave us, the joy and peace that followed was so much more powerful. I know where she is, I know she is happy and I know I will see her again. That's the beauty of the Gospel and the Plan of Salvation. This past Sunday we celebrated Easter, the beautiful and miraculous resurrection of our Savior. He lives....and so does she.

Joylin Smith

Smith Family 2011

A couple of firsts

Ok, maybe not actual firsts, but close. The most shocking are the words that came from my adorable 5 year old. Let me start by saying his birthday is in a couple of days and he had gotten money from grandma and grandpa Whitley so we went to get him a few little treasures. Well, my boys are back into Beyblades. He bought himself two and has done nothing else since. During quiet time, he wanted to play outside with them but I didn't want him outside while I was laying down. I asked him to come in, to which he hung his head and pouted. I suggested he play the Wii for awhile. He then said "I don't want to play the Wii!" In the last 4 month, those words are so far gone from his vocabulary. Wow!

Secondly, I ran two days in a row!! I use run loosely because I'm pretty slow right now. I went about 7 weeks without running and boyhowdy do you lose it! I've been trying to do some DVD's as well to incorporate strength training and so far my elbow has held out. Today I did sprints on the treadmill. I like sprints, seems more active than just running. Sadly, my sprints were about the same speed as Rhett's distance pace. It definitely feels good to be doing something though. Now if only I can get my eating back on track. Yesterday I had done good all day and then we went to the kids Spring Sing at the school. We got Subway (it's an outdoor picnic event) and I got a very healthy sandwich, but ended up eating the chips instead of the fruit and ended the night with a cream filled donut. Sheesh! Today has been much better, but the day's not over yet. I will be strong!

Easter 2011

Easter was pretty low key this year. Sunday we had a nice breakfast together and then church. I had to teach and it didn't go that well. Definitely not my strength. After church, we had planned to have a big dinner with just our family so I had gotten a ham and cheesy potatoes and corn casserole with jello dessert. The kids were pretty excited about that! Since Joy is still doing fairly well, we decided to have dinner at the Smith's again. I packed up what I could and took it there. What a breakfast feast we had! Grandpa created a zip line in the backyard and extra family came to visit Joy so it was an exciting night. Not what I had planned, but definitely good.

Katy, Whitley and Brooklyn in their Easter dresses. I actually didn't buy any Easter dresses this year, but they all had something colorful to wear.






We don't have church till noon so by then Katy is usually ready for a nap. This is how we started out our pictures.

Saturday's Egg hunt



These are the very not creative cupcakes we made to share with the cousins. They were tasty though!

I found these boots for Katy for $3 and I couldn't resist. She loves them! AND, she is quite adorable in them. Ü

Amazing 24 hours

Pedicures for date night. Yep, that's what we did with a couple of friends of ours. Under strict orders, they are to remain nameless, but it was so fun! Glade was too "manly" to get one, but the other "man" did and so did we girls. I was in desperate need and it's always fun to do with friends. After, there seemed to be a need for a piece of big red meat. Dinner was great (TexasRoadhouse) and the conversation was entertaining, as usual. We really did have so much fun. Same thing next month?? Ü

This morning we woke bright and early to make an 8 am temple session with Glade's family. Joy is still doing fairly well so we thought it would be nice to all be in the temple one last time together. Joy looked like a sweet little angel all dressed in white when she walked in. There were lots of long hugs and soft tears. What a precious experience to have. Very much reminds you of what's important.

After the temple, we rushed home to get ready for our family Easter lunch. We had way too much food and people were a little rushed cuz we had to postpone it a little due to our last minute temple plans. The kids hunted eggs and we ate yummy food and mostly just sat around and visited. The great thing about family is that that's just fine with everyone. The house emptied around 3:30 and let me tell you there were a few tired souls around here. Glade, Katy and I all laid down for about an hour. Bo wanted to around 6 but I wouldn't let him.

When 5 o'clock hit and I now had nothing to do for the rest of the evening, I got a little antsy. I really wanted to see a movie, but Glade didn't want to go. I talked Whitley into going even though she doesn't really like movies. We saw Source Code and it was SO good! We both loved it, I wish Glade would have been there, he would have liked it as well. It was super fun to get to hang out with Whitley though. She has been so helpful these last few days and I really just like her!

Tomorrow is actually Easter and I will take a few pictures of the kids in their Easter clothes then post all the pictures we have taken so far. We colored eggs Friday afternoon and then all the pics from the family party. I also have family pics from Monday, but they didn't turn out that great. I will get those posted soon as well. Awesome awesome couple of days!

Stephen's Birthday

Stephen turned 15 on Tuesday. Yesterday I took him to spend some of his birthday money. What a different experience to go shoe and clothes shopping instead of toy shopping. He wanted a pair of Vans, some jeans and some cologne. He got all of the above along with a nifty new button up shirt that looks too gangster for my taste. He's pretty easy to please so it's fun to go with him.

Yesterday I also was inflicted with a serious sneeze attack that has lasted about 15 hours now. It was really bad last night as I was at Ultimate Frisbee with the young women. It started to become humorous how much I was sneezing. I even had to use Whitley's shirt (she had changed) to sneeze into and blow my nose. She was a little grossed out by that, but what's a girl to do? I had even taken an allergy pill but took another when I got home. Still, it was a restless night of sleep with all the sneezing and congestion. Today my throat is even a little sore, but not too bad.

I had determined to run this morning, but Glade was up late irrigating and wanted to sleep in. I swear every time I decide to run on the treadmill, he has a rough night and sleeps through the morning. The treadmill is in our room so it wouldn't be very nice for me to get on it! I was diligent though and did a workout DVD instead. I'm sure I'll be sore again tomorrow, but I really want to do more than run so it's all good. I think I'm going to start an exercise group for the summer to help keep me motivated.

Tonight is our first Annie rehearsal. Here we go again!!

Annie and Magic

Yesterday Chelsey and I went to hang out with Mom since Chels hasn't seen her the last few times she has been here. While there, I got a phone call from one of my Visiting Teachers....oops...I totally dogged them. I can't believe I forgot. After we left Mom's, we went to do a little shopping and get lunch. Chelsey drove the blue car back to Flagstaff that afternoon. We figured that was more practical since she will want to come down for the funeral, which will probably be next week sometime.

After scouts, I took Dalin and Brooklyn to McDonalds to have a talk with them. Each kid has gotten this same experience but it kills me every time. They were highly suspicious as to why I would be taking them and not just for ice cream, but actual dinner! For the protection of anyone who may be younger than I think, I'll just say this about the talk. They have now entered reality and come to play on my team regarding childhood magic. It's always so sad to me, but I feel it's better than other situations that could arise. Dalin had a few tears, I think he's the only one that's ever happened to. Once that was past, we had fun talking about all the behind the scenes stuff and answering questions they had. Always breaks my heart.

We got Annie!! It appears as if we all made the play again. Glade is Jimmy Johnson (not sure what that means, but it's part of ensemble), Brooklyn is an ensemble orphan named Peggy, Dalin is a newsie named Sneaks and Stephen and I are ensemble. The cast is actually quite large for what I was expecting. I'm glad they let us all come again, hopefully it will be as rewarding as Hairspray was.

Pictures and Restart to Running

Saturday night at Schnepf farms was so fun! The little ones had a blast, oh wait, so did the big ones. We ate hamburgers and hot dogs, rode the train, played on all the stuff and even got to ride the rides. Katy wasn't so sure about the roller coaster, but she went. Said it was too scary and she didn't want to go again. It was a very tiny one with only a few small hills, but she didn't love it. Dalin was our only puker, though Glade was pretty close after riding on the swings. All the big ones were very gracious in helping with the little ones. We, Glade and I, had a great time getting to know so many of the cast on a personal basis. I hope to get to "work" with them again.

Sunday we went to the Smith's for dinner again so Joy wouldn't have to make the drive out here. The house was full with family and so many stop-in visitors wanting to say goodbye to Joy. We had one last game of Idiot Bridge in which poor Joy looked like she was going to fall asleep sitting there. She isn't sleeping much and she has had so many visitors that's she's just plain pooped. Monday night we went to a park and did big family pictures. It was very last minute so I spent the morning trying to round up appropriate clothing for everyone. I'm anxious to see how they turned out.

Glade also had callbacks, but they let him come late due to the situation with his sister. After pictures, the rest of us (my little family) went to Barro's for pizza to celebrate Stephen's birthday. It's actually today, but it's Tuesday so we have no availability tonight. It was nice to have everyone together. Glade had driven to Flagstaff that morning to go get Chelsey so she could be a part of it. I sure miss that girl. She is leaving today but is hoping to make it down for the funeral next week.

Yesterday I ran for the first time in one month and two days. I went significantly slower so I could try to run some sort of distance. I ended up running 2.5 miles then doing my ball work out DVD. Ouch. Today my whole body hurts. I really want to do more strength training now that the weather is so warm. I'm hoping my elbow will hold up for me. I definitely need to get back into it. I may even try my yoga DVD today!!

This Week

This week was mostly uneventful, well at least not eventful. Took Brooklyn and Whitley shopping for a few new things since I had some good coupons at Kohl's. It's so hard to shop for B right now. Her size makes it so hard to find anything that actually fits her and then to have it actually look cute is a whole nother challenge. I wish I could help her see that she is on a bad road. I've already been through this whole situation one other time and through that I came to realize it has to come from within them. Until then...

Thursday I had lunch with some friends and the kids got to play for a couple of hours which they loved. But I had a weird "moment" on the way there. I saw a lady driving who's kids go to the same school as mine. She is very plain and quite homely. One day she dyed her hair this strange color of bright red. What occurred to me that day is that she obviously was going for a new look or that she wanted to look good. What is odd is that her hair always hangs down thin and greasy. So the color of it isn't really that relevant since she doesn't actually do her hair anyway. In my "trying to be positive" way I decided maybe she just hadn't gotten ready for the day at the times I see her and maybe she cleans up rather nicely. Anyway, it made me start to think about what assumptions people make of me based on my appearance and the car I drive and the clothes I wear.

I realized that no one can ever really know who you are because there's so much that goes on in your head that never actually comes out. Then it occurred to me that I'm with myself ALL the time! I started to get a little creeped out at this point. I can never escape myself, I'm always there! Because I get a little weird sometimes, I began to attempt to stop "thinking". Well, you really can't do that, your brain is always working. But the more I kept telling myself to stop thinking, the more I wanted to not "hear" myself anymore. Ahhhhh!!! Finally in a moment of rational thinking, I put an end to the craziness in my head, started singing along to the radio and went on with my day. I did mention "weird" moment didn't I?

Friday I went to the scratch and dent food store with Jenny and came back with lots of junk. By junk I mean sugar filled yummy stuff. Later we went to dinner and a comedy club with the Garr's. We haven't been on a date in a really long time! This morning we got up and went to audition for Annie. I know, I said I needed a break, but it was too tempting. My singing was awful...I mean humorously awful. But whatever, at least they know me and hopefully will overlook my serious deficit in that department. Stephen, Brooklyn and Dalin all went with and later Glade finally decided to go down as well. We'll see how this one turns out in a few days. Tonight is the Hairspray cast party at Schnepf Farms. It's good to have wealthy people with resources in your cast. We get to take all the kids for dinner, rides, music, etc...all for free! Yippee!

Nick had his first date last night with a girl in our ward who was also having her first date. They did a group thing with Whitley and another friend so there were six of them altogether. I think he had a good time and already has plans to ask another girl to the spring formal that's in two weeks. I'm hoping this is a good thing for him to make more and better friends and to find a place where he is comfortable socially. The kids are all growing up!

An Unknowing Sponge

Wow! I just assumed that when things didn't make sense to a little girl or the content was above her understanding, she just tuned it out. In one ear and out the other. NOT! On the way home from Costco, Katy asked me "Why was Amber so mean to Tracy?" (Hairspray reference) Then she said "Why did Amber say Tracy was fast and slow at the same time? Is that really true?" Yikes! This was seriously a very minor line in the play referring to her being fast (with boys) and slow (special ed). I can't believe she remembers it or has even had a second thought to what it actually means. I told her it wasn't possible to be fast and slow at the same time. Then she proceeds to tell me how Link broke up with Amber because he fell in love with Tracy. And then wondering why Tracy was arrested and what is arrested. And how Link told Amber not to be mean to Tracy. Holy Cow!! She must have been paying really close attention.

This is frightening on so many levels. It's definitely a wake up call to pay more attention to what is going in to that adorable little dimpled head of hers. I will make a conscious effort to change songs when I would normally just assume she is too young to understand. It has only recently really started to register that she is 4. I mean that in a "she's not so little anymore" sort of way. Actual conversations and abilities. Where'd my baby go??

Breather

The whirlwind of Hairspray has finally come to an end. I will get a few more pics posted soon. If I didn't have kids and family, I could do that regularly. So much fun to perform with so many great people. BUT, I do have a family and they missed me. They didn't say as much, but I can tell! First, by the crankiness of my little ones who went without structure or parental guidance or a normal bedtime for three weeks. It's definitely showing. I have no idea if my big kids have done a lick of homework. I have a huge pink nail polish stain in my living room, courtesy of Katy, and the 12 loads of laundry I did yesterday was a sure sign!

With a little post-play sorrow, we move on with reality. My very first day was spent doing laundry. Lots of laundry. I didn't get dressed or brush my teeth or anything all day! We weren't scheduled to have mutual so my plan was to continue on into the night in the same manner. That's when reality hit me, Pack Meeting. Dang! So I showered and brushed and put clothes on and went to support Dalin at scouts. Another night away. I was home by 7 so it wasn't too bad. While I was gone, my sweet little Bo did the unthinkable.

I have decided to put the Wii away for an undetermined amount of time to have my kids remember that there is life outside of the Wii. This was quite a blow to a few of them. Namely, Bo. While I was gone, he tried to get it out of the box and hook it up. Luckily, his plan was thwarted by an older brother who stopped him and ratted him out. I had all intentions of spanking his video game addicted little booty until a few moments before the actual deed. I was talking to him about honesty and who he has become (sneaky little devil), when his little head dropped and his lip started quivering and the sobbing began. Hmmm, all it took was a little "I'm so disappointed in you" speech and he was devastated. Now, he had no idea I was going to spank him so he wasn't just playing me. I did, however, let him know that if he didn't turn it around...dad would get involved. When I explained a Daddy spanking to him, his eyes got big and he went a little pale. Hopefully that will be enough for him. He spent the rest of the night cuddled by my side.

Glade's sister Joy, who has been sick most of her life, is back in the hospital. Things are not looking good for her right now. She appears to be making the decision to let things run there course and be done with this struggle she has been facing her whole life. As sad as that is, and as hard of a decision as that would have to be, I would be so happy for her. I can't remember the last time I saw her happy and truly enjoying life. What a blessing it will be for her to rid herself of that body and be free from her pain. The knowledge that I will see her again makes it bearable to let her go. She has endured more than anyone I personally know and I admire her so much for it. We love you Joy!

I'm trying to kick my brain back into reality with so many events coming up: Easter, Mother's Day, end of the year concerts, etc. I haven't given any of it a single thought. I'm starting with the basics.. a menu for next week and an actual shopping list. It's been so long. I honestly don't know where this last 4 months have gone. How can it be the end of the school year already??

More Hairspray

So we've made it through 3 performances now and it's been so fun! Last night was our understudy performance. Because mom had extra tickets they wouldn't refund, she came again for this show and brought Dalin with her. He had called and asked if she would take him again and even told me he would use his own money. Lucky for him, we had him covered. Katy also requested to go a second time but informed me that I "would have to buy her a new ticket, her other one was sold." She lucked out that we just snuck her through the cast door. Turns out to be a good thing to not have paid for a seat for her. She spent much of the night dancing in the isle and entertaining our audience. A sweet friend of mine took these pictures for us. Thanks Wendy!!


This is right before the Big Doll House number. I'm in the brown dress if you couldn't tell! Ü


I'm on the far left side as a Pinkie in Welcome to the 60's.


Miss Whitley in the pink dress during Hairspray


This is where it gets good. Glade as Wilbur dancing with his "wife" in You're Timeless to Me.

I love love love this picture!!

Whitley with "Link"

Hey, that's MY man!

Another of Whitley and Stephen is right next to her pointing at you.


Hopefully I can get a few more if Chelsey comes down this weekend to see the play. Only 4 more shows!!

Don't get Your Britches in a Bundle!

I think we have all heard some version of this reprimand doled out to people who are impatient or having a little too much anxiety, but does anyone really know what that means?? *hand waving wildly* "pick me! pick me! I know!!"

WELL, at last nights performance my tights (which are an evil devise all in of themselves) were twisted just enough to bug me. I tried the "leave 'em alone and they'll quit bugging you" routine. Didn't work. I tried readjusting, but everytime I readjusted, they felt a new sort of weird. By the end of the night I was doing all sorts of unladylike stuff trying to get my tights to feel right. AND by the end of the night, I was a little impatient, grouchy and having a little anxiety. I just wanted to rip those friggin things off!!! Now I have a pretty solid understanding of why people tell you not to get your britches in a bundle.....

Happy Birthday Mom!!

This was the setting for the birthday party we threw for mom. It's her 60th birthday after all! The kids had a great time decorating and making cards for her.


I think each child professed to love her more than the others. One even hoped she liked him best as well. We had a special dinner of Penne pasta and garlic bread followed by a delicious oreo dessert.


Wouldn't be a birthday without some singing and candle blowing!

It was a simple party, but the kids loved getting a chance to spoil their grandma in return for all the spoiling she does for them! We all love you Grandma!! Happy Birthday!

Day Trip

Thursday we let the kids skip school to take a day trip to Payson to hike the Natural Bridge with my mom, sister and her family. They were in town visiting and due to our crazy week, we just weren't having opportunities to spend time with them. It was nice to get out of the norm and have a day of chilling. (If you consider a half mile hike over and under boulders chilling) Luckily it wasn't too hot and the kids all did really well. The end of the hike, right by the bridge, always makes me really nervous but we all came out with only minor scratches. It was nice to spend time with my sister even if it was just for a short time. Unbelievably, I have NO pictures....I'm slipping.

Hairspray - Opening Night

It has begun! Opening night of Hairspray was Friday night. The whole day was yucky before it, but the night went really well. My wig is awful! (and itchy), but I guess it goes with the character and time period. Officially I'm a wealthy, upper class woman who likes to shop. I tried to get more pictures, but my photographer was kicked out for using flash. (thanks anyway Heather!) Glade has done awesome and all the kids have had so much fun. We have all had our flubs, but that's the nature of the game I guess. We had lots of good friends and family come see us the first night, it was so fun to see everyone afterward.

Saturday we had nothing all day. It was heavenly. I stayed in bed till 11 am. Not sleeping, but I didn't get out till then. I had planned on cleaning and laundry and catching up everything that had gone by the wayside, but I wasn't quite as productive as I would have liked. That night's performance was just as good! More friends came that night as well. It seems weird that we still have 5 more performances. We get a little break until Wednesday, so that will be really nice. It's been super fun to get to participate in all of this. Hopefully I will find a few more pictures before it's all over.