We've been talking about Stephen's mission since he was tiny. He's always been such a good kid! And he's never said anything but that he can't wait to go on a mission. Those were conversations about the future. When he's grown a foot or two... (reference to a primary song).
Now it's here. We've been working on papers for the last 3 months. It's been really hard to wait for other people. Bishops, doctors, mailmen...I don't wait well. But we did and it finally came. It was a busy weekend so we didn't' have a whole lot of time to worry about it.
Let me back up about two weeks ago. (roughly) I'm driving along and suddenly....tears. My baby. I'm doing laundry...tears. My baby. Yes, the thought of not seeing him for two years makes my heart ache, but the tears were coming more in thoughts of my BABY is a man. He's grown. No, he's not perfect and yes he makes me absolutely crazy sometimes, but he's really an amazing person and will make a fantastic husband someday. This baby bird is about to fly the nest. My nest! I've always dreaded this day. He treats me like a Queen. He calls me mama and is never lacking in the hugs department. He does anything I ask him to (for me). He comes around when we have to have the brain dead talk and realizes where he's at. He tells me he loves me regularly and is happy to spend time with me. He'll carry my purse for me, shop with me...whatever. I just really love who he is.
Sunday morning came around and so did the waterworks. I had no idea they were coming. Sacrament meeting started and as I looked up at him preparing to bless the sacrament, I lost it. Done. I cried through the entire thing. Not just tear up, but the kind of "start to make funny faces" crying. I tried to keep my head down and my sniffling to a minimum, but it wasn't enough. Katy started peppering me with questions as to why I was crying, Glade was shooting me "whats up" looks and I have no idea what all the people on the stand right in front of me must have been thinking.
Once the talks started, I was able to collect myself. Focus on something else. Until the musical number came around. Which, by the way, was the song we were going to do at Stephen's farewell. It's my favorite...My Kindness Shall Not Depart from Thee. Though I started out bummed that she was singing it, by about the second line...the tears were back. I was a mess by the end of the meeting. Then it's the long walk down the hall way as people see your red eyes and ask if you are ok, or worse, give you the "aww, poor thing" look. I talked to a few people, but luckily..I was put in primary for the day, so that's enough for anyone to forget your worries!
The rest of the day was fine and I only teared up a little talking to some of the family, but I was pretty sure I was good now. I got it out of my system. The house filled with people, it was exciting! Stephen wasted no time getting things going. Even as he was saying the words, I was fine. Until.....June 4. JUNE 4. JUNE 4??? I'm not ready, I can't do it...it's too soon! I was supposed to have the whole summer. I even had a little plan formulating for a trip with just the two of us. This is 6 days after graduation! May is the busiest month of the whole year for us. Not the month where you can spend quality time bonding and making memories. He has just been ripped from my arms with no warning! I hugged him and I cried.
Up until this point, I had kept my frequent crying to myself. Now I'm surrounded by friends and family congratulating me and I'm broken hearted about my baby leaving in a month. I want him to go, I LOVE that he's going...I just never dreamed it would be so soon. I cried quite a bit that night. And the next day and the one after that. Several times a day actually. I'm pretty sure if anyone even mentions it, or I read about anything mission related, I cry. I don't know when it will get easier. He hasn't even left yet for goodness sake! I love that I have so many people around me going through the same thing and they are all fine, so I'm sure I will get past this. But for now....I'm just a Mom saying goodbye to a boy I happen to really like and who I'm so proud of. For real, I'm SO happy about his choices and what he'll do these next 2 years...I am. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is True! It has changed and blessed my life to a degree that words would not do justice. Stephen knows it just as I know it and he is willing to give of himself that others may experience the same joy we have. How I love him for that! But it's just a little rough right now....so this may be what you see for the next while
Don't be alarmed...it's all good ♥
1 comment:
Your amazing, I love how you wrote down how hard it is, it is!
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