Stress/Menstruation/Shopping

Disclaimer: TMI, Crazy Person, Longggg - Read at your own risk

Lets start with Stress.  I try to be a pretty chill person, let stuff go, not sweat it.  Well, a girl can only take so much.  I guess I can just put this out there since it's official.  I'm directing The Wiz.  Not co-directing or assisting, DIRECTING.  What???  Long story how this came about but I'm in way over my head.  I didn't think it was actually going to play out this way so I wasn't too stressed until it was official. Then I cried.  Auditions are in two weeks and I haven't even read the script yet.  Add to this my day today that went like this:

-Visiting Teachers came at 8:30
-Went visiting teaching at 9:30 and 10.
-Picked up Katy 15 min late from school
-Picked up Whitley from getting her wisdom teeth out
-Took personal info to new school
-Did paperwork
-Went to get prescription and snacks for pack meeting
-Received phone call that my 7 year old was a mile from home chasing puppies
-Found out Whitley had passed out while I was at the store
-Stephen takes Nick to work who after 5 minutes they send him home because labor is too high.  Another trip back to pick him up.
-Dropped snacks off at pack meeting and came home to take care of Whitley
-Missed Rhett conducting Court of Honor and Dalin's advancement

All while Glade is out of town and I'm on my period!

Let me expound on a few things.  First, Whitley set up her apt to get her teeth out last night.  I had already scheduled all this VTing so I couldn't even take her there.  She had a friend drop her off because she had to take a couple of pills before they pulled her teeth so it made her sleepy.  When I picked her up, I was surprised that she was awake and talking (mumbling) to me as they finished stitching her up.  She asked if she could get up and jumped right out of the chair.  That only lasted about 3 seconds before she started to sway.  I grabbed her as her eyes rolled a little and she started to cry.  I asked her why she was crying and all she could say was she didn't like the way she felt.  I giggled and told her "don't do drugs".  She agreed.  As we were getting our discharge instructions, she kept feeling her lip saying it was numb and felt really soft.  Then she grabbed my hand and made me feel it. She couldn't believe I could feel it.  We got her home and settled on the couch.  She kept crying randomly.  I offered her some pain meds and tried to help her swallow them.  She put it in her mouth, took a drink and sat wide eyed as the water spilled all over in her lap.  Then she cried again.  I cleaned her up as she kept professing "I didn't know there was any water in my mouth!"  So I put the pill on her tongue then poured a little water in her mouth.  She just sat there.  I told her to swallow but she didn't realize there was any water in her mouth.  She was able to get it down and rest a little.  We used a few ice packs and an hour later gave her another pill because she was still hurting a lot.  She said it was a good thing they didn't tell these sweet little 8 year boys about this part of going on a mission or no one would ever go!

Fast forward to grocery shopping.  I didn't really think I needed much, but as I went around waiting for the Rx to be done, I thought of several things I would need by the weekend.  But that's not my story.  Did I mention I was menstruating??  And did I mention it was about 4:30 in the afternoon?  And that I had a salad for lunch??  I have never quite had this experience before, but I wanted to eat everything.  I mean everything!  Things I wouldn't normally even eat.  The scene that comes to mind is when Bella is a newborn vampire and smells the blood of the human rockclimbing.  You know how her eyes get all crazy and she starts looking around and breathing hard.  A little something like that.  I wanted to eat cupcakes, beef jerky, gum, tootsie rolls, licorice, hashbrowns, powdered donuts, peanut butter, rotisserie chicken and get this - corn nibbles.  That's the name of the cow food they sell there. Yep, even that sounded kinda good.  It was a fleeting thought, but a thought nonetheless.  It was seriously bizarre.  I resisted on most counts.  Most.  So after waiting in the line from hell, I treated myself to a big juicy helping of orange chicken from Panda Express.  Yep, I parked my van and dug right in.  It was kinda awesome.  Other than while I was waiting for my order, I had the thought that Costa Vida sounded really good right that moment.  So I ate myself silly while listening to a little Usher on the radio.  Ahhh, life was better.  THEN, I opened my fortune cookie. I don't even like them, but... Anyway, this is what it said:

Really, like I'm not stressed enough about the play, the fortune gods have to get in on the action???

Lesson learned?  Do NOT grocery shop at dinner time on a stressful day while menstruating. It's creepy.

So I'm home now and have 40 min till I need to be at pack meeting with the treats I just bought because I'm lame and waited till the last minute.  I go to check on Whitley and she starts telling me the story of how she got up to go to the bathroom and while in there, got all sweaty and dizzy and collapses on the floor.  She can't move her limbs so she yells for Stephen who helps her to the couch which she rolls off of because she can't seem to control her body.  She is sufficiently freaked out, as is Stephen.  By the time I arrive she seems better, but still shaken up.  I give her the broccoli cheddar soup she wanted and she attempts to eat it but feels sick.  Ok, I guess I'm not staying at pack meeting.  Not sure she should be left alone.

Husband gone.. on my period.

As I race to the church to take the treats, I realize I left Brooklyn behind who also needs to be there.  I back up to get her and my phone rings.  "Hi Laurie, did you know Bo's at my house?  He was chasing your puppies and ended up behind my house."  This is a friend that is a good mile from my house.  Nope.  No, I did not know that.  Her neighbor is also coming to pack meeting so agrees to bring him home.  On a side note, puppies were in there kennel the whole time.  Sigh.  I come home check on Whitley and make sure the boys are all ready for court of honor.  Rhett is conducting to finish his communication badge and Dalin is being advanced.  And I'm at home.  Menstruating while my husband is out of town.

I'm very sure that in about an hour, when my family is reassembled and in their beds, I will take one of those sleepy pills and tuck myself in to start this madness called "life" again tomorrow.  With only an hour or so left in this day, PLEASE let this be the end....

Ironing = Love

Ok, it's no big secret that I love to iron.  I iron everything, including my running clothes.  This highly coincides with my distaste for laundry and that my clothes sit in baskets for so long they HAVE to be ironed.  But I like  ironing way better than putting away laundry.  But that's not what I'm talking about today.  Nope, I'm talking about actual love.  Let me preface with: I am SO not an organized person who has everyone church ready Saturday night so Sunday is smooth sailing".  BUT, today I am.  I think someone wrote a whole post about drops of awesome.  Tonight, I'm awesome.♥  Back to the love thing.

I had each boy  bring me his clothes so I could iron them so the morning wasn't so crazy.  As I stood ironing in my silent house (kids are in bed), I started having all these swelling feelings of love for each boy as I ironed his clothes.  I've ironed a lot of clothes, but today something wonderful happened.  I thought about each boy as I served him.  What a powerful thing.

Stephens shirt was bigger than the rest and his sleeves were rolled up.  He's just about a man now.  Tonight I got my first "under hug" from him.  He's officially taller than me.  Not just a smidge, but a lot.  Like hugging a man. He even bent down and kissed my head.  I truly love that boy. He's becoming a friend and not just a son.  What a good heart he has. But as tall as he may  get, he'll always be my little boy.

Rhett's shirt had some spots on it cause that's just how he is.  Whatever.  He's always had a special place in my heart because he's kinda been the underdog.  It's been so rewarding watching him grow and develop and become someone.  He amazes me every time he puts true effort into something.  He has also reached the same height as me.  And he hugs me, a lot.  It won't be long before it becomes an under hug as well.

Dalin's shirt was so wrinkled!  He's the king of roll it up into a ball and shove it somewhere.  But even with his little quirky things, he's absolutely lovable.  He's just starting to figure himself out and it's really fun to help him do it.  Dalin isn't a hugger.  We actually have a little joke about him "tolerating" my hugs but gets a little antsy if I go to long.  But, he's the first one to sit by me and lay his head on my shoulder.  He's kinda been my mama's boy from the beginning.  I like it that way.

Bo's little shirt makes me smile just thinking about the head that's gonna stick out of that collar.  As ornery as that kid can be, he melts my heart every time he flashes that sorta toothless smile.  He thinks he's getting so big but in all the little quiet moments, he's still just my little guy who likes to snuggle and play with my hair.  He has so much potential it's exciting to think what he will do with his life.  Watch out world!

Nick's shirt wasn't there.  He likes to do his own thing, his own laundry, ironing... he just quietly gets it done himself.  That's pretty much my relationship with Nick.  It's sad, but it's true.  He pretty much doesn't need me and isn't really around a whole lot.  I really hope someday, when he truly finds himself, he will let me in.  I have great hope for that. I get little glimpses of that when he's had a good day and likes to sit with me in the kitchen while I make dinner and tell me all about it.  Those are precious but few moments.

Glade's shirt is already pressed and hanging in the closet.  He's like that.  Make sure he's ready and doesn't burden me.  I love that he tries to make my load light, but some times I wish he would just let me do some things.  Then I could show my love through service just like he's doing for me.  It's kind of a catch 22. Ü  But I love the service he performs while wearing that shirt, what a great priesthood leader he is.  As much as I want him around here more, I recognize the blessing he has been in so many lives and that is a blessing to us as well.  I love who he is.

Who know so much love could come from such a mundane task?

Dear Crossfit Friends

To my Crossfit friends (of which I have many Ü): This is not a blanket statement, I'm aware you can't lump all people into one big group.  BUT, I just wanted to let you all know the impression some are giving to those not of your "faith".  Crossfit is a new fad that has swept some parts of the country.  (my peeps in IL hadn't even heard of it).  I only call it a fad cuz it's too new to see if it has longevity.  I love the passion you all have for it!   I can see the wisdom in parts of it even.  Sometimes it even looks fun.  I see people toning and tightening from their time spent there.  But you've started to become an elitist group.  At first it was just excitement about this newfound thing and you talked to everyone you knew about how exciting it is.  Awesome!  But now the things I hear are quite condescending and sometimes just downright rude.

What set me off today was a comment a friend made who has just started crossfit and loves it.  He apparently is out of town and did a makeshift workout at the hotel workout room.  He mentioned they looked at him like he was weird and then made the comment "that's ok, just keep pedaling fatties".  So rude.  My point here is that crossfit is not the ONLY way to get in shape.  It might even be the best, who knows.. but it's not the only way.  Before crossfit became all the rage, a lot of people lost a lot of weight and did great things with their bodies.  I've also heard many disparaging remarks toward runners.  Like we are in competition.  Things like "runners are stupid, they just don't get it.  What a waste of their time".  There are plenty of studies out there showing that running/walking are the best ways to be heart healthy and add years to your life.  Beside, some of us actually LIKE running!  It's sad that something that started out as a positive new thing has turned into a "we're better than all of you because you don't get it" club.  I've even been told if you're not doing crossfit you may as well be do nothing.  How sad.  Anyone doing anything is a good thing.  And maybe even all they can do.  Let me list a few reasons why I don't do crossfit:

1)  It's expensive!  Even if it were in my budget, I'd have a hard time swallowing that kind of monthly fee

2) I actually like to run.  It makes me feel good and I love the accomplishment I feel.  Certain songs or places make me want to jump out of my car and take off running.  Doing something you love is not of no worth.  Especially when it makes you healthier.

3) I have back issues and terrible knees.  Pregnancy was not nice to my back and my knees have been bad since 6th grade.  I have to be very careful in what I do when lifting is involved, right down to my laundry baskets.

4)  It's not inviting to the "beginner".  I never see overweight people in your facility, weak yes.. but not overweight.  When you see the commercials about "lunks" at the gym... This is not a put down, but someone who needs to lose weight and get in shape does NOT feel comfortable with a bunch of muscleheads throwing weights around.  This is a personal problem, but a problem nonetheless.  So we go to the regular gym and "pedal".

5)  This is a new one, but I wouldn't want to be looked at the way I'm starting to look at those who are there.  It makes me sad.  In the words of someone "can't we all just get along?"

In summary, I love my crossfit friends and I know many of you who are not like this, but unfortunately there are louder people than you making you look bad.  Any group of people who are working to become healthier, whether by crossfit, running, walking every night with their loved ones, kickboxing (I know a friend who lost 70 lbs just by doing that)... it shouldn't matter... we support and encourage each other, not throw around insults.  Love what you do, for sure! but let others love what they do as well. ♥

3 seconds

Today Rhett and Brooklyn had an intersquad track meet.  They were competing against each other for Varsity, JV and other teams within the team.  Rhett had asked me to come but I had already made plans to meet my mom for brunch.  When I saw the disappointment on his face, I reluctantly switched my plans and invited mom out to watch with me.  Surely it would only be an hour or so and we could still get lunch.  Not.  She was sweet enough to oblige and sit mostly by herself while I did timing for over 2 hours.  It was really slow getting started as they worked out all the bugs and got things organized.  But finally!  they got going.  Dalin had wanted to come watch and while there, we learned that 5th and 6th graders were able to try out as well for the JH team.  He came in jeans and hasn't run for quite awhile but really wanted to try.  Then we heard the news, you had to run a 7:30 mile to qualify.  Yikes.  That's not really a reality, but we decided he'd try anyway.. in his jeans.

After the other events drug on and on waiting to run the mile, mom left and went home to get him shorts.  She arrived just in time for him to change right there on the track and run the 100m.  He's not that speedy but he tried.  Finally it came time to run the mile.  I was so nervous for him.  Rhett was running as well, all the distance kids had to.  I get so much anxiety wanting them to do well.  Especially these two.  Dalin is always the kid who can't win or gets slighted, quits cuz "he sucks".. spends way to much time feeling like a loser.  (mind you, if he doesn't succeed the first time, he assumes he'll never figure it out).  Well the gun went off and they took off running.  It's weird how slow they look while running really fast.  Rhett came in 4th at 6:04.  So great!  Dalin came in 3rd to last, BUT his time was 7:27!!  He made it by 3 seconds.  He was elated.  I was elated!  Finally he made something.  As we drove home, during a quiet break, he bursts out with "I'm on the TRACK team!!"  I actually shed a few tears after his race while hugging him and seeing him beam.  Maybe only the mom can understand that, but it was just plain awesome.

Truth

My friend had mentioned that she was going to the temple this week and I wanted to invade her plans, but wasn't able to go when she was.  By then I had made up my mind to go anyway.  So I chose Tuesday morning and even got a few of my kids to come with me.  Kind of last minute my good friend Jenny came along as well.  Because we had kids doing baptisms, we did inititories so we could be out close to the same time as they were.  All days in the Temple are great, but some times they are just plain awesome.  Today was that day.  At one point I was just filled and I do mean filled with the power of truth.  My chest felt like it might explode with warmth and love.  Tears started to swell and I had to choke them back because it wasn't exactly a situation I could sit and cry in.  I wasn't even sure what the exact thing was that brought this on, the only thing I can explain it as is truth.  How grateful I am to know the truth and to have that in my life.  Its one of those things you just want everyone to be inside you for 10 seconds to feel what you feel since there are no actual words to describe it.  God is real.  He loves us.  I love Him.  There's only one path to true happiness, and I can see it. ♥

Modest is Hottest

I know I blogged about this before, but she just continues to amaze me.  I got Katy this black leotard for dance so she could wear any of her tutu skirts with it.  Unfortunately it came with a sparkly skirt.  Today was her first day back at dance since we got it.  She put it on and decided she would wear it without another skirt, cuz after all, lots of the other girls wear it just like that.  A little later she did a spin and said "I know it's kind of immodest, but it's ok, our teacher lets us."  I just told her she could do whatever made her comfortable but that it would still be cute with one of her skirts.  She pranced around a little longer waiting for the time to leave.  Finally I called for her to head for the van and I found her like this.  She tried to do what the other girls were doing, but in the end she did what felt right for her.  I'm just so proud that it's important to her to be who she wants to be and not what all the other girls are being.  I would have been ok with her going either way, but she chose this. ♥

CERT Training

Saturday was our first CERT training.  I think I posted about this before.  Our area is putting together a volunteer emergency team and I chose to be on the shelter team.  In an emergency, I would be one to open one of the churches as a shelter for those that are displaced.  I've always wanted to do things like this, but as a mother of 9, it's really not very feasible.  So even if nothing ever actually happens, I'm still training like it might and the possibility is kind of exciting.  I'm not wishing bad will on anyone, just a minor emergency.  The extra cool thing is that after our next meeting, I will be Red Cross certified so when there's a need anywhere, I can volunteer to go and help.  I think I would actually like to go do it just once.  I know it would be hard to leave my family for a few weeks, but I have just always wanted to be a part of something like that.  So maybe just once for now, as a bucket list kind of thing.

I'm at a weird place in my life where there are so many things I'd like to get involved in.  Such as the Red Cross, the theater, a mission for my church, serious training....but it's just not that time in my life yet.  It's hard to pull the reins in when everything is within reach but I just can't do it yet.  I still have many children at home that need a mom. Some days it feels like a harder sacrifice than others, but in the grand scheme of things, what I can do in my home.. teaching my children.. is more important than all the rest.  I wouldn't trade being a mom for any of those other interests!!  So for now I will stick to my local CERT teams and my occasional races and maybe a show or two at the theater.  My time will come. Ü

Self Check

Tonight was our semi-annual Adult Session of Stake Conference.  It layman's terms, a church meeting where the leaders talk to the adults.  It's my favorite session.  As much as I loved it, and I did!... I came away with a feeling of much lacking.  So many things I have let slide or gotten lax about.  It's good to have that reminder that there's more.  Now if only I can remember that when "life" starts happening all around me.Ü  My favorite quote of the night:

Be Quick to Serve

and 

Slow to Judge 

Gloving

(tried putting a video, but blogger wouldn't go past "processing")

My boys have gotten into a hobby called "gloving".  They wear gloves with special lights in the fingertips that light up different ways.  You find a favorite song and turn out all the lights and do a routine with your fingers and hands.  It's actually pretty cool.  Can be annoying when they are constantly practicing their finger rolls, but I guess they could be doing a lot worse things. Ü  I'm pretty sure this is Rhett, he is the starter of our new found fun.

Spring Break in Cali

We went back to our favorite campsite in Cali for spring break.  This was such a different trip than we normally have.  I had a really long meeting the night before we left and wasn't able to get all my stuff done so we were two hours late leaving the next day.  But it was ok.  I'm getting really good at breathing and realizing what's actually important.  Leaving at the time I had chosen was not.  It didn't affect a single thing.  But it was raining all night and all morning while we were trying to get packed up.  That made it a little challenging.  It rained the whole way to Cali, except for when it snowed.  Like a blizzard, really.  We couldn't believe it.  Visibility was less than a hundred yards.  It was in the mountains right before we came down into San Diego.  We were hoping this wasn't a hint of what our vacation was going to be like.

We arrived in the afternoon with just enough sun to let us set up our camps and get dinner started.  Later in the day, Mom, Chelsey, Spencer and Whitley showed up as well.  We drove here with the Garrs, Johnsons, and Rapiers.  The next day the Kettrings and the Richs arrived as well.  But unfortunately it didn't last.  As we sat around the fire, it started to rain again.  So off to bed we went.  Glade and I, Mom, Whitley, Katy and Brooklyn all slept in the camper.  Bo and  Stephen were in a tent and Rhett and Dalin were in a different tent.  Nick slept in the van.  It rained so hard, our trailer was leaking.  What was worse was that it was so windy that I honestly thought the dang thing was going to tip over.  It was shaking and creaking so much I was totally freaked out.  Mom was making fun of me because I kept turning my phone on to look around.  It was super scary.  I was also so worried about my boys outside.  I texted Stephen and asked if they were ok.  He said they were totally wet.  Bo came in and and cuddled in with me and Stephen jumped in the van with Nick, but there were no dry blankets left.  I asked him to check on the other boys and he said they were totally asleep.  Crazy.  When morning finally broke, we got up to assess the damage. I was sure all our belongings would be strewn about camp with all the wind.  Lucky for us, Nick had stacked it all under wood before he went to bed.  Dalin and Rhett knew there was a storm, but it hardly even rattled their tent.  Dalin said every once in a while, he could feel a slight splash on his face if the wind blew just right.  So grateful for that.

The clouds weren't lifting and it was still sprinkling after breakfast so we decided to drive into town for the day.  We went to Seaport Village and had pizza at our favorite pizza place and did some shopping.  While there, the sky opened up and it was beautiful.  Once we got back to camp, the sky was blue and the kids hit the beach.  It was still cold so they weren't in the water much, but we spent the rest of the day there.

Sunday morning we went to a local ward for church.  Everyone was so nice and it was very enjoyable, even for the kids.  We got so many compliments on how cute and nice our kids were.  In trying to keep the Sabbath as Sunday as possible, we went back to camp and had lunch and then went to tour the Mormon Battalion Museum.  We have been there twice, but the other couple of families hadn't.  My kids still enjoyed it and loved sharing it with their friends.  After, we went to the San Diego temple and walked around there.  It was a really nice day.

Monday was great, spent most of the whole day on the beach.  I went for a run, first time since the race.  We made the decision to go to Knotts berry Farm the next day and the kids were over the moon happy.  Even agreed to pitch in $20 of their own money to pay for it.  Glade was away all day on a business venture in LA so I was loning it for the day.  We had planned a date night that night at a Mexican restaurant down the street but I was pretty sure he wouldn't make it back in time, but he did!  After carefully placing kids in different campsites with bigger responsible kids, we went to dinner.  Have I ever mentioned what great friends I have??  After dinner, Jenny and I made a trip to the laundromat   Two hours.  Yuck.  But Luckily I shared it with a good friend. ♥

Tuesday we loaded up and made the drive to the amusement park.  Glade stayed behind to work and Whitley stayed behind cuz she didn't want to go.  We had a great day! The weather was perfect, the kids are mostly big enough to go do stuff on their own and they all had friends to be with all day.  Let me just insert here: I seriously love that my kids are friends.  Like really friends.  It's very sweet to watch.  Katy stated as soon as we got there "I'm going to have to put my big girl pants on if I'm going to ride these rides!"  Well she must have left them at home cuz she wouldn't do anything.  So it was SnoopyVille for her all day.  Bo went on absolutely everything.  I was very shocked.  I would see his face during the ride or on the pics they take and he looked terrified.  I was terrified for him.  But then he would come off yelling how awesome it was and go again.  Crazy kid.  Most of the rest of my kids will pretty much go on anything as well.  Even Brooklyn who might appear to be a wuss.  Dalin loves it but gets sick easily.  He puked twice.  Once he made it to the trash, once not so much.  Lucky for us Rhett was wearing shorts under his jeans so we met up with him and he gave Dalin his jeans and I carried the puke jeans in my bag the rest of the day.  They all had a great time.  

On the way home, we grabbed pizza and while waiting for it to cook, Stephen located an Emazing Lights store only 4 miles away!  This is a website they order all their gloving stuff from.  I should do a post about that hobby.  Anyway, the wanted to go so bad!  So being the good mom I am, we followed the GPS and showed up 7 min after they closed.  We could see someone in there so we knocked and asked if they could just step inside for a minute.  She was very nice and let them in for just a minute.  They were very excited!

We all slept good that night and woke up to a serious fog the next morning.  Good thing it was our day to pack up and go home.  The only problem is that everything was wet.  It just never really got dry there.  Between the rain, fog and natural wetness of the beach, it was a very wet trip.  Our camper leaked every night as well.  It wasn't my favorite trip for sure.  But I like to think of things as an "adventure" and not get to bent out of shape about what I can't fix.  We were very ready to get going though.  Hot showers and warm beds were a welcome thought.  The trip home was uneventful.  The kids were mostly good and it was only about an hour away from home that we needed to intervene and entertain them.  We played a fun song game and got silly and giggly.  Love those times.  

After a quick unload of the van, Whitley and I made a quick trip to Kohl's.  I had a coupon expiring that day and there was a purse I really really wanted.  We actually stopped in Yuma to try and buy it there, but they didn't have it.  Mine didn't have the one I had originally picked out, but a super cute one nonetheless.  The next day Dalin even commented "Mom, that really is a great looking purse."  Love that kid. :)

My pictures are completely scrambled but right now I'm happy just to have them in a post.

This was our storm we drove through.  It looks like rain, but it was snow.

We have a couple of families we do a lot of stuff with.  We consider them our "chosen family" because we aren't actually related, but we love each other like we were.  Between us there are 19 kids.

I have no idea what this was about.  Alicen was just laying in the sun and Colt ran over, stuck his head in her legs and just stayed there.  Didn't move.  Eventually we found out that someone was after him.  Apparently he doesn't realize we can see the whole rest of him!

This is the ride Dalin puked on himself.  Takes you all the way up while spinning you around.

Seaport Village

Katy flying a kite.  But look at those stairs!!  We had to go up and down them any time we went from our camp to the beach.  It was killer.

Dalin got to be the soldier they dressed up at the Mormon Battalion Museum

Dalin after he puked.  Not the happiest camper.

San Diego Temple

One Day at a Time

I have a problem.  Seriously.  I love to eat.  LOVE to eat.  This love has taken me to places I never want to see again.  Unfortunately I have recently started seeing too much of that distant land.  I am 30 lbs heavier than I was at my lowest.  I'm sure if you've SEEN me, this is not shocking news.  I've avoided the scale for awhile now, knowing I would not be happy with the numbers, but some things you just can't avoid.  Like having to use a rubberband to make my pants fit.  Or, the worst most lasting proof... pictures.  I avoid them as much as possible, but sometimes they are just right there.  Yuck.  I have the desire to change, but somehow I'm seriously lacking in motivation.  I start most days with the vow to eat smart.  I get ample exercise, that's not the problem.  Eating.  Problem.  By about lunch time I've usually decided to start making good choices tomorrow.  Yeah, then I'll be strong.  Then I eat like crazy the rest of the day knowing that tomorrow I'm on the healthy road.  Well, this system obviously hasn't worked for me.

Today, I was successful.  It was only one day, but one day is more that nothing.  I got up determined to work out.  Now that I'm not required to run, I would like to do more strength.  Still run, but mix it up.  I did go work out today and I'm already sore.  But it was good.  I also walked by the dish of cookies and paused just slightly before moving on.  I looked at the clock at 3 and knew it was snack time, but decided to forgo the snack because I wasn't really hungry.  AND I didn't even have one sip of soda today.  Yep, zero.  So today was a good day.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but every little bit is one step closer to the me I was and want to be again.  30 lbs?  Oy.

Phoenix Marathon

That would be the half for me!  This last Saturday my big event finally arrived.  All this whining I've been doing about having to run and train was coming to an end.  After making my mind up to be "over it", I had a really pleasant couple of days leading up to it.  Friday we went out to dinner at Olive Garden to "carb load" and Saturday we were up and headed out by 4 am to catch the bus to the start line.  WAY too early for me. Jake, Melanie, Robin and myself all rode together to save parking space and gas.  On the way there Melanie realized she forgot her bib which contained her personalized timing chip.  We didn't have time to go back and they weren't letting anyone near the start line.

Traffic was awful and thank goodness they prepared for that or we would have missed the bus.  Mel had to stay back to get a new chip assigned to her.  We got to the start line with just about 30 min to spare.  Just enough time to eat a banana, use the restroom and talk to a few friends.  I wasn't even nervous!!

 The line for the bathroom before the race

The gun sounded and we took off.  I run alone so even though we all started at the same place, we were separated almost instantly.  I was feeling really good except my arch on my left foot and my hams were already hurting.  Not a good sign.  My plan was to run every mile and then walk for about 20 seconds.  Well, when mile one came up, I couldn't bring myself to walk.  I pulled over and walked for a second while I took my jacket off, but it's hard to walk when everyone is passing you by.  This happened for the first 4 miles.  I was still feeling really good though but did take a few seconds each mile to walk.  I made it to mile 8 running full miles with short walking breaks in between.  That's way better than I normally do!

I was starting to kind of be excited about maybe getting a decent time.  Glade showed up right after mile 8 and was there every couple of miles after that.  I hit mile 10 and things started going downhill from there.  I was just so tired!  By mile 11 I was probably only running maybe two minutes at a time.  My toes were cramping so bad and my legs were feeling a little jelly-like.  In my mind I could say "only two more miles", but my body didn't care.  Finally I came to the last mile and I picked up pace a tiny bit, but I just didn't have it in me.  I walked a lot that last two miles, sadly.  But I made it to the finish line regardless of  my slumpy shuffly state!

My chip time was 2:20, but my Runkeeper time was 2:18.   You can count however you like, but I go with the runkeeper.  See, I made a poor choice of stopping to use the restroom at mile 6.  I didn't NEED to, but I was afraid not to.  I will take the penalty for that choice, but I don't think it's fair to penalize me for having to wait for SLOW PEE-ERS.  I was in and out in less than a minute, but waited almost 3 just to get in.  So when I could see it was going to be a bit, I paused my Runkeeper.  BUT, the minute I got out, I started it back up and hit the road.  No resting.  So with counting for a normal pee stop I got 2:18.  My best run was 2:16 so I was pretty happy with that.  Not to mention I just felt really good most of the way.  That's so much better than running mad, or frustrated or seriously hurting.

I'm so happy to not be pressured to run for awhile.  I was tempted to go for a run today, but I really just have too much to do this week.  Besides that, I'm just barely being able to walk normally again from being so sore!!  I'm planning on taking a run or two on the beach this weekend while in Cali.  That's always fun ♥