I Miss him!

Look at that face!  I can't hardly take it!  It's been about 6 weeks and mostly I do really well.  Then out of the blue, the tears flow.  It's not just about missing him, or wanting to hear his voice say "love you Mama"....it's so much more than that.  I've known LOTS of people who have served missions.  I mean LOTS.  And, yah, it's cool and good job and all that, but NEVER have I had the admiration and respect for a missionary like I now do for my son.  It's so different!  I know this boy...like KNOW him.  And LOVE him.  I know what he was before and what he gave up and what was in his heart.  I know his weaknesses and his strengths and fears and insecurities.  And I know his love for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I remember this wee little one who would talk about "when I go on my mission".  I see pictures of this grown up boy who is out serving the Lord because he WANTS to, because he believes it with everything in him and I'm overwhelmed with love and pride and awe and wonder at MY baby.  My baby who is really far away, doing hard things... with no Mommy to make it better.  Who trusts in his Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ.  That same loving Father in Heaven gave me this special kid, to be such a blessing to me.  Yes, with all the pride and love and admiration also comes the heartbreak of not being able to give him a big hug.  Some days are harder than others.  But I'm truly so happy that he is so GOOD and so HAPPY.   For whatever reason, the last couple days have been hard.  I heard this song twice this week and both times it put me in tears.  It goes like this:

My time to give, my will to learn.
My story as the pages turn,
My time to live by every Word.
My day to love, my call to serve.
My urge to move as my heart stirs,
my work to do, it's my turn!
My day to let the truth be heard.
My time to give, My call to serve.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1b1idn2sRU   (That's the link if you want to hear it.)

Proud doesn't even begin to describe it and it's one of those things that I don't think words will ever do it justice and unless you have FELT it, you just can't know.  I'm glad there are more good days than weepy ones and I definitely need to NOT watch all the sweet "coming home" youtube videos!  Oy.