It's been a Doozy

This might be a post some would call too revealing.  But, it's my life.  I've never been one to sugar coat things and make it sound like I live a rosy life with no trials.  So here goes the last year and a half of my life....


Houses.  Three of them.  We built a new home for ourselves just behind our old grapefruit house.  To do that, we had to move out of Grapefruit and into our Mesa house which we refer to as Onza.  We have had the Mesa house as a rental for 10 yrs.  I was not thrilled with this option, but it was what we needed to do to move forward. So while we were starting the new house, the Happy house, we also worked on redoing Grapefruit so we could sell it.  New floors, new paint, new appliances, lots of basic fixing. And I was in charge of all of it.  It didn't' sell quickly and for much less than we were hoping for, but it was sold. 

On to the Happy house.  This took about 7 months.  After a VERY slow start, and lots of anxiety, I decided to be done with our GC and do it myself.  It was very hard and satisfying and stressful and great.  It was basically a full-time job with needing to be at the site, run to get things and constantly on the phone with contractors.  I was glad I did it, but it really was HARD.  Sometimes I'm not sure how I got it done.  I only cried one time the entire process and it was at the very end when I had a meltdown with SRP.  Go me!   We were able to move in mid-October and be in for the holidays.  So happy!!

Onza house.  We let it sit for a couple months while I recuperated and then in January got started on fixing it up so we could sell it.  Again, new flooring, paint inside and out, new appliances and lots of fixing.  I was in charge of most of it.  Glade tried to do a lot of the projects and he was very helpful, but also out of town a lot which made progress a little slow. But we finally finished it and It's currently on the market and hoping it will sell quickly. 


That's the bare minimum explanation of that process, let me tell you the guts of it.

 While living in the Onza house, we kept everything else out here in Queen Creek... church, school, friends, theater....which meant a lot of driving.  It's about a 20 min drive.  My poor kids would leave home in the morning and often not get home until bedtime.  We ate little caesars multiple times a week and taco bell the other nights.  The kids hated having to go to the house and wait for whatever we had to do next.  I had so much downtime where I didn't have anywhere to go or anything I could work on as well. But never enough time to make the drive all the way home and have to come back again.  It was trying for all of us.  And it was HOT.  I spent a few months in a sweaty bun and gross clothes because my day was just spent outside at the new house trying to get things done. I was grateful to have a nice house to live in while we built, but it wasn't home.  We didn't unpack or decorate or make it feel like home.  I really missed having a home for that year. 

Rhett.  Rhett came home from his mission early shortly after we moved to Onza, where we filled the only other bedroom with storage stuff, leaving only the loft for him to occupy.  I'll go into the details of his struggles in a different post, but in short, he was very depressed and suicidal. So along with trying to build the house, I spent a lot of time, tears and energy trying to get him well. And he is. ♥ Glade and I were not on the same page with the course of action, so I was basically alone on this.  Many many Dr. appointments and late nights and being on "watch" till we finally got him stable.

Glade.  During this time, Glade had a personal trial that kind of threw him into a tailspin.  He was angry and confused and then pretty depressed.  Like, you wouldn't know he was the same guy kind of sad.  Nothing I did or said helped him get past it and he wasn't willing to reach out for help from anyone else.  I'm not trying to out his personal stuff, but his stuff is my stuff and it's been a really tough year trying to figure this all out.  Throw in that he was out of town practically the whole time I was building the house and actually the week we moved in as well and it just added another level of stress to the situation.  actually, having him gone was probably a blessing.  I was able to just focus on the house and get things done.  He flew home for 2 days to help us move all the big stuff in and then had to leave again.  Christmas brought another level of contention as he was home most the time, still really sad and very unsure of his place here at home since he's been gone the better part of 6 months and we were in new patterns and a new house. SAme thing with friends and at church.  I kind of used up all my strength and fortitude getting through the last year dealing with everything and I was just too tired to be the strong one.  So we were both weak... and sad...and unsure.  It was the worst!  Finally, through some unpleasant interactions, we were able to put it all out there, set a plan on how to pick ourselves up and work on ourselves and for each other.  There were a few months where I just wanted to stay home and be sad.  Not talk to anyone, not do my church stuff or serve or really talk to anyone but close friends and family.  But finally, after reaching out for some advice, I decided life was too good and I was too blessed to be sad.  Glade still has his things to work out and I have lots to work on doing for myself.  I've been trying to go to the Temple weekly, read and pray more.  I go for a walk outside almost every day.  I feel so much better and like the fog has lifted. 

Me.  I'm so fat.  I've eaten all my stress and sadness.  I've never weighed so much in my whole life.  But I'm feeling sort of strong again.  I feel ready to get back to strong and happy and in control.  I'm not good at it and I don't know how long it will last, but I'm trying.  For me.  I'm down 5 lbs this week and am trying to exercise.  I have plantar fasciitis really bad keeping me from doing much.  It's very frustrating, but I'm doing everything I can.  It's made a world of difference in how I see my family, myself and those around me when I'm not worrying about what's not perfect in my life and look at what is.  It's been a really trying year and a half with more emotion and trial than I may have ever had in my life.  I don't know how I was able to get it all done, but I did.  I'm proud of myself for being where I am even if all my moments along the way weren't my personal best.  I'm ready to not do "houses" and just live for a while.  We Still have family stuff that continues and kids that struggle, but it's ok. We got this!!