Trip to NAU

Chelsey and I headed up to Flagstaff to see what else we needed to get done to have her be ready to attend there in the fall. We have gotten some letters and a few emails, but for the most part, everything is very vague. She has earned the AIMS scholarship which pays for all of her tuition, but that's all. We have been trying to find a place for her to live, but being here instead of there has made this whole thing a little difficult. I just wanted to actually sit with someone and say "What?"

To make a really long (but pleasant) day short, we found out that she has enough grant/scholarships to pay for her housing and food in the dorms for the whole year. She shouldn't have to pay for anything at this point. YES!!! She is not super excited about living in the dorms, but it's probably the best thing for her the first year. We also went and talked to the Institute instructor and he gave us lots of advise and insider stuff about what she should expect. There is a campus bus that can take her pretty much anywhere she needs to go, which was a relief since she won't have a car. We got lost lots of times, but had a good time getting it all figured out. Since we were done so early, we had lunch and headed home. We decided to stop at the outlet mall in Anthem since we weren't in a hurry and ended up staying there almost 4 hours. We got some really great deals and actually had a very pleasant time. That is a first for us since we seem to disagree on a lot of things in that area. Maybe we are both growing up! We get to go back up in a few weeks and do it all over again. Freshman orientation where they actually get their schedules and be all official is in June. I finally feel comfortable sending her off. The trip was way worth it!

Motherhood part Deux

Motherhood is filled with so much joy and wonder, yet......oh the heartache. When the natural instinct of a mother is to protect and love and shelter from all the bad in the world, it's quite hard to swallow when she has to be the one to administer the unpleasantness sometimes that is necessary to learn and grow. Even though life is so much based on choice and consequence, it's hard to watch a child suffer those consequenses. There's the part of you that feels strong and proud that you love your child enough to do the right thing and yet there's the part that hurts and wants to rescue them. I'm smart enough and have seen enough to know that a child that is constantly rescued has a gloomy future. However, that knowledge doesn't really make it that much easier. *sigh*

Aahh Mother's Day....

The one day a year to show extra appreciation for the Mom's in our lives. Sometimes its wonderful and sometimes it's not. This was an in between year for me. First I want to acknowledge the women who have been influential in my life.

First and foremost is my own mother. I could make a very long, sappy report on why she means so much to me, but it's been a long day. Suffice it to say, I couldn't and wouldn't want to live without her. She takes care of me just as much now as she ever has. She is my very best friend (next to my spouse) and I have more appreciation for her than I'm sure I ever tell her. The older I get, the more I find myself becoming just like her. And I don't mind it a bit.

Next would be my step-mother, JoAnne. So far from the wicked step mother so many fairy tales portray. She has been so loving and attentive to me and my family. I'm so grateful for her friendship and the blessing she has been to our family.

I have a mother in law who has accepted me into her family and not been judgemental or intrusive into our family. I feel very blessed to be a part of her family and to call them my own.

Going back a generation, I have wonderful grandmothers as well. My Grandma Whitley was so full of life and as I learn so much more about her, I realize I didn't know her that well at all. What I do remember is how wonderful her smile and laugh were. I wish I had spent more time with her while growing up.

My Grandma Manary is the ideal of what I want to be. I know she thinks I'm crazy, but I think she's wonderful. Some of my fondest childhood memories involve her. Her sweet and sassy and caring manner are absolutely heartwarming. She always had food going no matter what time of day or how many were coming. Her giggle is contagious and she's a blast to play games with. She has always taken care of those she loves and you're never in doubt of her love for you. I miss you Gram.

Now for my own family. I spent Friday night out with some good friends having girl time while the boys went to the Father's and Son's campout. It was a really nice night out. The next morning, my mom and my girls and I all went to breakfast and went shopping together. Time with mom is always good. Then this morning, we had breakfast as a family like we always do, then came the fun gifts from the kids. It's fun now that they are older and can do things on their own. Bo made me something from preschool, as did Brooklyn. Katy colored a card, Stephen cleaned my bathroom and wrote a sweet note and Whitley made a manicotti dish and had it in the freezer so I wouldn't have to cook today. We ate it for lunch. Dalin's is probably my favorite, even though he didn't actually give it to me. While camping, they were looking for crawdads in the creek. He found a dead one and took the pinchers off. He took them to Glade and said he wanted to take them home and make earrings out of them for me for Mother's Day. Glade wouldn't let him, but the thought was really touching. That he would even be thinking about me at that moment in time speaks volumes. Glade kind of bombed on this Mother's Day, but he does so good on others that it didn't really hurt my feelings. I know he loves me.

I also had to talk in church today. I don't do that well so, of course, it was a little stressful. I started off like I planned and then ended up not following what I wrote and felt like I was babbling along without many connected thoughts. As always, many people told me how great I did, but what are they going to say "you really sucked, I couldn't follow anything you were saying and it sounded like you were just rambling." In any case, I did it and it's over and hopefully someone got something out of it. Stephen came up to me after and told me he loved to hear me talk. That was nice. Bo and Katy sat on the bench with their pouty faces and teary eyes because they couldn't sit by me. After church, Bo was like a leech. When I asked him why he was being so sad, he said it was because he hadn't gotten to be with me all day. So after lunch, he and Katy and I cuddled up for our afternoon nap. Perfect. That's the kind of thing that makes ANY day good!

Happy Mother's Day!!

Home

Home is where the heart is. True statement. There's no place like Home. True Statement. The most sacred place after the Temple is Home. True statement. Some days home is where I need an escape from, but most days its the best place in the world. It's only in quiet moments that it can truly be appreciated. Today I had a few of them and they filled my heart with gratitude. I have been given the opportunity to speak in church on Sunday regarding Motherhood and the legacy I wish to leave. It's made me very reflective and thoughtful. As I sat outside babysitting the chickens (we are still having issues), I watched as two boys played a ball game on the tramp. The genuine laughter, the tackling....it made me smile. This morning I spent most of my time working on my own mother's gift for Sunday. The feelings of service and doing for those you love is so fulfilling. To set dinner down before your children as they gather around noisily and watching big ones help little ones, it's rewarding. To hear the giggle of a little blond with dimples as she sneakily walks by you and the unexpected tackle by a five year old who just wants to plant a big kiss on your cheek and tell you he loves you, worth it. Receiving a text from a daughter who can't wait to tell you her good news or just to check in because she's bored, lovely. A son who won't leave your presence without giving you a kiss and still likes to hold your hand while sitting close, heart warming. A husband who goes anywhere you want him to and never complains and puts my wants before his, well... I feel a little guilty about that one, but what an example.

We live in a beautiful house with plenty of nice things, but it's not our house that makes it desirable, its family. Each person contributing, making a house a home. Being the creator of such a family is awesome. I don't mean that in an 80's sort of "awesome", but literally awesome. How did God look upon me and think I could be trusted with such an amazing responsibility? It's something I will never feel quite worthy of, but completely grateful and forever humbled by.

I'm not trying to paint a rosy picture of this perfect world of which I live, we all know better. For everything there is an opposite. BUT, if we don't stop and breathe in the reality of our blessings and tuck them deep in our hearts, the good things will fade. The hard things will seem harder and the negative will flood in. Life is busy and trying and sometimes down right messy and unpleasant, but for the few moments of beauty and peace and love......I wouldn't trade a thing.

The End of A Birthday

Yesterday we finally finished up Bo's birthday. He had been contemplating what to do for his party and it came down to this: Chuck E. Cheese with a friend. How nice is that for me?? So after preschool, I took Bo and Brayden and Katy to Chuck E. Cheese and we stayed for a little over an hour. They ate nasty pizza and played lots of games and came home with plastic bugs. Perfect day for two little boys!

The afternoon brought scouts and taxi and then a mother appreciation dinner with Chelsey. I totally didn't want to go, but she did so we went. An appreciation dinner is great except when the mother can't eat what's served. Instead it was mother torture night. Seriously, it wasn't that big of a deal, I took my own food, answered a bunch of questions and had an enjoyable time chatting with nice people. By the time I got home, I was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed and watch Biggest Loser. I showered first so by the time I got started, it was almost 9 pm. Too late for me to start something! I made it through with just "listening" to the end with my eyes closed. Normally I don't like the makeover one but this one was good.

Today we got up and around quickly. I swept and mopped which was desperately needed then headed to Costco. I just needed about 3 things and of course the thing I needed that was in the back corner of the store was no longer there. After searching briefly, I asked and, of course, it was at the opposite corner of the store now. On the way home, my AC in my car stopped working. We quick stopped at home and switched cars and headed to the library for Story Time. I had never been but I thought it would be nice for the kids. We got there just in time. Alicen met us there, we did Story Time and then went to Chick Fil A for lunch. Katy barely made it, she was ready for a nap, but the others had a fun time. We may do it more often.

Tonight we have two ball games. Bo groans every time I mention it. We are snack today so that made it a little more bearable for him. Brooklyn's is late, which last time lasted too late. But, after tonight, they each have one more game. Yeah for the end! I know that sounds terrible, but that's how I feel right now. One more "to do" I can stop doing for awhile. Summer is looking better and better! Minus this heat that is now more seasonable and not so enjoyable. My hair is starting to show the effects!

The Big 2-0

Today I officially hit 20 lbs since I very first started doing the drops oh-so-long ago. This puts me at a total of 72 total in the last two years. I'm even only 4 pounds from what I said would be my ideal goal weight. Isn't it funny that I still look in the mirror and grrr at myself? Are we ever happy? I'm determined to be right now! Lumpy or squishy or slightly out of balance, it is what it is and I'm going to start to enjoy life just the way I am. For now I have so many fun adventures in my near future that I'm going to set my sights on those and enjoy every bit of them without the nagging of losing weight. I'm aware that I will always have to be mindful, but not like the last two years. I say that with all the hoping and praying that in two more years, I won't be 72 pounds heavier! Look out world, dieting Laurie is no more!

The Battle Rages

I am my own worst enemy. Cliche, but true. I'm such a quitter when things get hard. I'm sure that's why I'm not a better runner by now. I like to stay where things are comfortable. I saw this weekend that I have passed this trait on to one of my children and it saddens me deeply. Even while entering middle age, I still do battle with my mind. Why can't I master this? My other trait of hating to lose also makes this especially frustrating.

Battle of the Day - Stupid diet. Everyone knows dieting is hard, no question there. Life would be dreamy is chocolate were as good for you as broccoli and bread was good like apples, but they're not. I'm 2 lbs away from hitting my 20 lb goal and 6 from hitting my original goal weight. I should be ecstatic, I should be flying high breezing through these next few days. Instead, I'm grouchy and testy and spend most of my time being bitter that I can't eat pasta or cookies. Seriously, I have been losing 2 lbs a day, that's crazy! My brain just wants to quit, to throw in the towel and have a brownie. Isn't that how I got fat in the first place? This is the battle that rages within every single day. Some days I feel like I'm destined to be fat, it's too hard to be healthy. Then I remember all the things I have accomplished and how good I feel physically and remind myself I wasn't happy being fat. I ate a lot and that seemed fun, but I wasn't happy. I'm really not happy not eating and dieting all the time either. Somehow, there must be a "happy" range where I can still eat pasta and cookies, yet be able to finish a half marathon if I wanted to. I desperately need to find that place. For now, I'm continuing to fight this battle with myself determined to win and chastising myself for being so pitiful and weak. Once I hit my goal, I'm on to LIFE. No more thinking about it day in and day out. I'm going to find that happy place even if it means gaining a few pounds back. I don't have the energy to spend this much time worrying about my weight. One thing I'm sure of, I'm not going to lose this battle!